(in order of appearance)
- Muphrid — (Major character) Our hero (MUFF-rid)
- The Princess — (Major character) Ariadni, heroine of the story
- Sally — (Major character) Computer, and spacecraft
- Lilli — Young student at the orphanage
- Inspector Needle — Detective
- Phil — Former comrade, and garage owner on Earth
- Dee — Waitress at the Spoon Café
- Paul — Bouncer at the Spoon, MC for story group
- Wes — Owner of the Spoon Café
- Sandi — (Major character) Actress extraordinaire
- Pete — Member of Spoon story group
- Aqmed — Taxi driver (AHK-med)
- Anna — Character in ‘The King and I’ (played by Sandi)
- Harold— Heart attack victim
- Miss Hildegard — Sour faced member of Spoon story group
- Treesah — Thessalonian friend, Glurney’s mother
- Sheriff Stoney — Policeman who interferes with loading of beer
- Alfred Wolfram — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Barbara Orion — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Charles Octans — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- David Fornax — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Eva Bootes — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Phil Eridanus — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Norma Norma — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Horatio Dorado — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Ike Equuleus — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- John Reticulum — One of ten inventors of the Woofbender
- Putricia — Adorable girl child on planet Archon
- Blistmargosbansee — Lender Music store owner
- Raoul — Restaurant proprietor on Archon (Rah-OOL)
- Mr. Obnoxious, Mr. Ob — Obnoxious prisoner
- Skotto — Prison employee, foam remover
- Guard — Anonymous prison guard
- Freen — Another prisoner
- Ursine Aegidius Prebendary Book — The judge of the Archon court
- Gliksneebixitchzizzclick — Smellie defendant
- U. F. Noor — Publisher of Clayboy Magazine
- Bambi — The captured wuffalump
- Palomino — Muphrid in his Edensian fur suit
- Jet — The Princess in her fur suit
- Miss Spun Honey — Sandi in her fur suit
- Snouts — Alternate name for captured wuffalump
- Ignoos — Chief of Edensian men
- Gorella — Queen of the Edensians
- Yoovy — Edensian weaver
- Jetta — Edensian baby
- Chut — Hunting partner
- Muhz — Squire #1
- Jepp — Squire #2
- Aesser — Granitian military officer (ESS-er)
- Glurney — Prisoner of the Odiumae
- TC — TripleClick Glurney’s cellmate
- Captain Blackie — Character played by Sandi
- Colonel Blixneezizznip — Fictional authoritarian figure
- Oser — A government agent
- Jimmer — Alias for a spy
- Miss Pythagorus — Glurney’s math teacher
- James — Sandi’s son
- Fleedss — TC’s offspring
- Blurtt — TC’s offspring
- Thripp — TC’s offspring
- Tusie — TC’s offspring
- Magnus — The Princess’ brother
- Sherman — The Princess’ pet arp
- Glimmer — Granitian senator
- Gino — Medical corpsman
- General Mountain — Chief of the OMH
- Miss Durwod — Tourguide at the Serena